keep out the oss road

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What people have said about the Ascent ...........................

 "I'm just working through your book The Ascent of Sedgley Beacon.

I Have to keep putting it down as I'm laughing so much.

 I was loaned it from a mate who actually lives up the beacon, but I do need to know where I can buy this from, as I need to send a copy over to someone in Missouri and bewilder them with your dry Black Country humour".






To cheer myself up yesterday evening, I finished reading the "Ascent of Sedgley Beacon...".  The cures are hilarious and my favourite section is the one on "Flo' White and the Seven Dwarfs".  I was really smiling to myself.  I think this would go down a bomb as an amusing short play in a local theatre.  The dialogue is fantastic and would be hilarious pronounced with a true Black Country accent.  Maybe you could suggest a local drama group producing a play out of it.

Welcome to Keep out the oss road                  the site for Steve Bartley stuff !                   


Don't Spook the Bonk Oss - Now Available

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For those of you unfortunate enough to not live in the Black Country "Keep out the oss road"  means keep on the pavement but I often use it as my way of saying "take care".

The website came into being after I put together a book of short stories titled "The Ascent of Sedgley Beacon, The Bilston Moon Landing Hoax and Other Stuff".

Many years ago I used to write a crudely produced Sunday League Football Fanzine but I had not put pen to paper for many years. A few years ago I started to write again. Following the age old advice of ''write about what you know' I found myself with  a collection  of humorous short stories all with a Black Country theme.

I wrote the stories for pleasure and I didn't really know what to do with them so I sent a couple off to the Black Country Bugle, they were published and very well received.

The stories in the book are fictional but based on real Black Country people, places and events. I have lived in the Black Country all my life and I love the history and humour of the area.

'Bostin Stuff' and 'Links' contain a random assortment of things that I like and recommend, pretty random stuff really. It doesn't contain obvious or well known items, it's more about the gems that some of you may not have come across ........... yet!

Steve Bartley

Available now - Only £5 including P&P Special offer buy both Don't Spook the Bonk OssThe Ascent of Sedgley Beacon, The Bilston Moon Landing Hoax & Other Stuff for just £8.00 for the two - Including P&P.                                                            





BB Singh - The King of Black Country Blues

Close Encounters of The Dudley Kind

A Typical Black Country Bloke's Guide to Cooking

The Mystery of The Sphinx

The Da Dudli Code 2

The Tipton 2012 Olympic Bid

Old Wives Tales

The Legend of King  Shawn & the Catering Size Jar of Pickled Gherkins

Black Country TV

Fancy an Indian

A Day in the Life of a Bonk Oss

Ode to a Bonk Oss

Three Corners a Penalty




What people have said about the Don't Spook The Bonk Oss...........................

"I took it to work to read during my lunch break but I had to stop reading it because I was laughing so much I was choking on my sandwich!"

The Ascent of Sedgley Beacon, The Bilston Moon Landing Hoax and Other Stuff

The Ascent of Sedgley Beacon - After returning from an expedition to Everest Base Camp where I climbed to 5,600 metres I saw Lenny Henry being interviewed on the One Show on the day that Sir Edmund Hillary died. In a lighter moment Lenny said that "Mountaineering wasn't big in the Black Country"
A Kid in Coseley Baths - As an antidote to the awful news that Coseley Swimming Baths was being closed down I wrote this short story recalling happier times of forty years ago when I was a young lad in the 60's.

Float like a Homing Pigeon, Sting like a Wasp - Very little has been written about Black Country boxing legend Cyril Day (probably because he never really existed!) so I thought that it was time to give him the credit he deserves!

When Elvis Came to Tipton - The history books state that Elvis never set foot in the Uk ..................... I know different!
Down Bilston, Up Dudley, To Walsall and Round My Mom’s! -
Why do we go down, up, to, round and over?
Flo’ White and the Seven Dwarfs -
A Black Country fairy tale!
My Mom’s Cures for Common Illnesses -
Get rid of NHS and put my mom in charge!
The Bilston Moon Landing Hoax -
Indisputable truth that the first Moon landing was staged and filmed in Bilston!

That's Where The Music Takes Me - It always amazes me how a song can take you back to a specific time or place.




 Available now 


Click on Web


 Only £5.00

 Includes P&P




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